


jealous of the love.

by avatraang



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, IT IS TOKKA WEEK FOLKS, Tokka Week 2020, Yue - Freeform, aang - Freeform, but no actual appearances - Freeform, mentions of:, suki - Freeform, we LIVEEEE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26316403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avatraang/pseuds/avatraang
Summary: Every once in a while, when they’re out late, the moon will catch her in just the right way. Sokka thinks Yue is trying to tell him something. Yet as Toph sends him a beckoning smile over her shoulder, moonlight glinting against her skin, Sokka pushes the message away.[Tokka, told through lenses of jealousy. Mentions of Lin and Suyin. Written for Tokka Week 2020: Day 1, Jealousy. Oneshot.]
Relationships: Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 13
Kudos: 95





	jealous of the love.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I'm back, ye ye. B) And it's Tokka Week 2020! Here's my entry for Day One. The prompts for today were Jealousy and Grief, but I decided to stick with just jealousy. 
> 
> A HUGE (!!!) thank you to @CameraLux(TinCanTelephone) for beta'ing this fic for me! She was an absolute badass and has kindly beta'd pretty much every fic that I'm posting this week. I could NOT have done this without her; thank you so much! If you haven't checked out her stories, then what are you doing? They are a GIFT to everything Tokka.
> 
> This fic is inspired by labrinth's "jealous". the title is taken DIRECTLY from one of the lyrics in the song. I haven't seen LOK but I made it as canon-compliant as I possibly could. It takes place throughout a number of years, but not any too crazy time jumps. Check out my Tumblr to interact with me more (@avatraang). 
> 
> As per usual, I hope you enjoy.

“ _I'm jealous of the rain_ _  
_ _That falls upon your skin_ _  
_ _It's closer than my hands have been_ _  
_ _I'm jealous of the rain._ _  
_ _I'm jealous of the wind_ _  
_ _That ripples through your clothes_ _  
_ _It's closer than your shadow_ _  
_ _Oh, I'm jealous of the wind.”_ _  
_ **-labrinth,** **_jealous._ **

* * *

It’s raining outside when he notices it for the first time. Well, not it. _Her._ He’s new in Republic City, so she took a day off to show him around. Katara had expressed her mild surprise that Toph, the _Chief of Police,_ had taken a day off to show Sokka, of all people, around… Toph didn’t even take days off when _Zuko_ came into town, and that was rarer than Sokka’s appearances. Plus, it’s not like he’s leaving any time soon. If all goes well, he’ll win his position on the council and move to Republic City, permanently. 

Lin is at school, probably tormenting Tenzin. Katara can’t tag along because she has a patient who is due to give birth any minute now. Aang is at the Northern Water Tribe. And everyone else, is, well… everywhere else. So it’s just him, and Toph, and neither of them can sense when it’s about to rain, so they had been caught, quite suddenly, in a downpour.

“Mother-” Toph swears, gathering the food they’d been eating and wrapping it up, quickly. “Why didn’t you fucking warn me that it was getting dark outside?”

“Hey!” Sokka cries, grabbing their drinks and stuffing it under his shirt, knowing damn well his actions will prove to be useless. “It’s not even dark out; the sun is still shining. Plus, how did you miss the change in the wind? Or the smell? You always catch that!”

“It came out of nowhere,” Toph retorts. If she wasn’t blind, the look she sends his way could kill.

“Earthbend us a little shelter,” Sokka whines. He can feel the drinks sloshing around under his tunic. Deciding he no longer cares about their tea, Sokka pours it out on the ground and keeps walking.

Toph sends him another withering glare. “If I could, don’t you think I would? We’re on city property; If I earthbend I’ll mess up the grass and then I’ll have to pay a fine.”

“Can’t you just… police it away?” Even as Sokka says it, he cringes. “Shut up, I know how it-”

Regardless, Toph goes on a rant about how she’s supposed to exemplify justice, leaving Sokka wet and bothered. They move quickly through the rain, towards the direction of Toph’s apartment. Funnily enough, it’s still sunny outside. Sokka ventures a look upwards and sees a faint rainbow gracing the sky. It gives him a feeling of hope, as if the Spirits have blessed his new journey in the big city.

“Oh, cool!” he cries, “a rainbow!”

“Wow!” Toph’s voice is quiet, reverent. “It’s beautiful.”

“Isn’t it?”

A beat.

“Fuck you, Toph.”

“You wish, Snoozles.”

The retort slips out of her mouth easily; crude and thoughtless. She keeps it moving, a testament to just how dirty her sense of humor is and how accustomed she is to the atmosphere at the precinct. Sokka, however, stops. The rain blurs his vision slightly, but he stares. He stares after her, and for the first time since the war ended (over twenty years ago, now), Sokka looks at Toph. _Really_ looks.

The clothes she is wearing are glued to her skin, slick and unyielding. Her hair is heavy with rain, the bun lowering by the second as she moves, already well ahead of him, with a grace that most Earthbenders cannot claim. Sokka’s never paid it much mind before, but now, he can’t help but wonder how her hips would feel between his hands. He wonders if her hair is coarse, or silky. If her skin is soft and supple, or calloused and hard. Or maybe a mixture? She turns towards him, many feet away, and he can see, through squinted eyes (he curses the rain), her figure. She’s… well, she’s _beautifully_ proportioned, to say the least.

Sokka gulps, fidgeting uncomfortably in his sticky pants. He suddenly feels awkward, as if he’s doing something _illegal._ Sokka toys with the empty to-go cups in his hand, watching as Toph gets further away from him.

“Sokka?” Toph calls. She sounds confused. “Don’t fucking play, you know the rain messes with my Sense. The food’s getting _ruined,_ hurry up! I had way more of the city to show you, but it’ll have to wait til after.”

Her voice carries through the rain, loud and unyielding. It is what snaps him out of his daze and grounds him back in reality. This is… this is _Toph._ And he’s here thinking of her like she’s a… a potential _partner._

Sokka grimaces. _Yuck._

Still, as he runs after her, Sokka feels irrationally jealous of the rain. It’s closer than his hands will probably ever be.

Soaking wet, Sokka pushes the thought away, the flare of jealousy settling in his gut but for some reason, not completely disappearing.

He’s jealous of the _rain._

* * *

The wind whips at her hair in a way that makes him wish he could be the one affecting her so thoroughly. So _intimately._ Shaking his head and slurping up one too many noodles, Sokka stops himself from hitting his palm to his forehead. Those thoughts have been happening more and more lately. It’s his second month here; Toph and Katara have a rare common day off, so everyone decided to have a picnic on the outskirts of Air Temple Island… everyone except Aang, who was off in Omashu supervising the Railroad Expansion Project between there and Ba Sing Se.

As it happens, though, Aang’s presence is sorely missed. The wind isn’t strong, but it carries with it the unforgiving smell of Republic City’s dump. This happens every once in a while, its strength and direction just right so that the stench reaches the Avatar’s place of residence. Usually, Aang or Tenzin will airbend it away. But today, Tenzin has gone on a field trip with his class to Republic City’s new Art Museum. So Sokka laments their luck, to the point where Katara relents and begins to pick up their things so they can eat inside.

As they walk back to the other side of the island, Sokka strolls behind the two women. He spots a streak of gray in Katara’s hair. If it weren’t for the fact that it makes him sad, he might have teased her about it. To distract himself, his eyes drift towards Toph. Sokka finds himself mesmerized by the way the wind ripples through her loose robes, intimately winding its way through her body.

She tilts her head back, laughing loudly and unapologetically at something Katara’s said that Sokka is positive wasn’t meant to be funny. Katara is sending their friend an unimpressed glare, but Toph (obviously) misses it.

As short as Toph is, Sokka finds himself walking in her shadow, and even stranger still, he finds himself resentful of the wind. It’s closer than he’ll ever deserve to be.

The wind sends whispers to him through the trees, taunting him. He wishes Aang were here to send it away.

He’s jealous of the wind.

* * *

Slowly, he locks the thoughts away as best he can (which is not that well). Forgotten and forbidden. He learns to live without wanting more of her.

It’s not like Sokka _wants_ to live without knowing more of Toph. Her smile is enough to remind him of that. Yet Sokka knows that there is a time and place for everything, and right now isn’t theirs. Sokka, for his part, is still too shattered to give Toph the relationship she deserves. His hair still feels empty without the beads that symbolized his marriage, and if he tries hard enough, he can still feel Suki lying next to him at night. Of course, the bed is always empty when he opens his eyes, and it’s not that Sokka minds the absence. It’s more that he wishes he didn’t have to get used to it, in the first place.

Marriage isn’t for everyone; divorce isn’t, either. Sokka thinks that maybe it would be easier if he still loved Suki in the way that he used to. But no, it isn’t lingering feelings that are holding him back. It’s the feeling of not knowing yourself, of losing yourself after many years of putting time into something that ended. It takes time to find yourself after that, and for Sokka, it’s taking longer than he’d like.

As for Toph, her battle comes in how thin she’s stretched herself. A chief, an advisor, a noblewoman (a role she’s found herself playing more and more lately, as the need for police funding increases), a mother, a friend. It’s too much, and anyone can tell it is. The bags under her eyes speak volumes, and the tightness of her jaw is lost on no one.

Not that Toph cares. No, she thinks she can do it all. And that’s exactly her problem. She thinks she’s invincible. But Sokka knows better; he can still see her dangling from his fingertips. He can still feel the fear. Toph is barely held together, and Sokka refuses to strain her even more.

But every once in a while, when they’re out late, the moon will catch her in just the right way. Sokka thinks Yue is trying to tell him something. Yet as Toph sends him a beckoning smile over her shoulder, moonlight glinting against her skin, Sokka pushes the message away.

He’s jealous of Yue’s distance; she doesn’t know the perils of life. Not anymore.

Sokka chases Toph down the street, even though he knows they’re too old to be playing chase, and again he pushes the thoughts of wanting Toph more intimately away.

* * *

They give in to each other, a handful of times. Those are memories Sokka _cannot_ forget. He’s jealous of Toph; he wishes he was as brave as her. She always looks so hopeful afterwards, as if she thinks they could possibly work out.

But Sokka is still broken, and Toph is barely held together herself.

So Sokka always leaves, and Toph is always jealous of how it’s so easy for him to do so.

* * *

**Many Years Later.**

It’s Zuko, of all people, to point it out. Of _course_ it is. The King of Awkward Moments. He comes to visit, and they’re all been lounging around, watching the children play. Su is eight years old, and Zuko’s eyes follow her intently, until he finally turns to Sokka and softly says, “It’s interesting, you know. She looks more like you than her mother.”

It is the first time the obvious has been stated. Not even Katara has ever dared.

Sokka stares at Zuko, blinking. Finally, he says, “what do you mean?”

Zuko raises his good brow at him, “Look, Sokka. I don’t mean to cause… _drama,_ but I just… I don’t want you to regret things. Choices.” Upon seeing Sokka’s expression, he continues. “I learned the hard way that some things in life are hard to fight for, but they end up being worth it.” Looking over at Su, Zuko smiles as she tries to keep up with Lin. “I know you can tell; anyone can tell. And I know why you’ve kept your mouth shut. It’s just… I don’t come around that often. The next time I come visit, I’d like to see you more at peace.” 

He turns away, leaving Sokka in silence, and when Su laughs (an echo of his), Sokka thinks that maybe Zuko is right.

* * *

Sokka confronts Toph the next day. He strides right into her office while she’s eating lunch, as if he owns the place.

“Why did you never tell me?”

The question is short and to the point, but Toph still thinks of ways to dance around it. “You don’t like spring rolls. Why would I offer?” 

“Toph.” Sokka pinches the bridge of his nose; with patience that is anything but natural, he says, “Stop. For an Earthbender, you’re awfully good at running away from shit. Better than Aang, even.”

It’s calculated bait, and Toph knows this. It doesn’t stop her from falling for it. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, _Councilman._ ”

“That’s my fucking _daughter,_ you-” Sokka stops himself, but the sentiment still stands. “You lied to me, for eight years. I tried to just pretend that I was wrong, but Toph, it’s _embarrassing._ She-”

“-Looks just like you?” Toph deflates. “So I’ve been told.”

“Yeah, but it’s not just that.” Sokka walks closer to her. “The way she smiles, her interest in technology, in strategy. That’s _me,_ Toph. Those are things I could have been nurturing. Things you kept from me. Moments you _stole._ Why?” He watches her intently. He wasn’t going to say anything. Really, he wasn’t. But yesterday was the last straw.

Squinting, Sokka tries to see what Toph’s thinking, but he finds her expression stony. Finally, spreading her hands, Toph says, “You weren’t ready for a relationship back then.”

“I could’ve been.”

“ _But you weren’t.”_ Toph holds up her hand. “You ran away, _every time._ You made it quite clear that I wasn’t what you wanted.”

“Toph...” Sokka’s eyes go big. _You were everything I wanted. You still are._ It’s what he wants to say, but nothing comes out.

Toph shakes her head, continuing, “So I wished you nothing but good things. I understood. And when we… ended, I told you that there was nothing to forgive. That was true. But...” Now it’s Toph’s turn to falter. “But then, just as you decided it was a bad idea for us to see each other, I got pregnant. And I realized that if I told you, I’d feel like I’d trapped you. I didn’t want you to be with me because of my – _our –_ daughter. So I waited for you to come back, and realize we were happier together.” Toph swallows, hard. “You never did. And it got harder for me to tell you. So here we are now.”

The silence stretches on. Sokka thinks Toph must have mistaken his stillness for anger, because she balls her hands into fists. “I guess I was jealous of the way that you were happy without me. I’m _sorry.”_ It has less venom than she’d like, and more venom than he enjoys hearing. She’s jealous of the way he remains steady. Her own limbs are trembling. 

“Toph...”

“Save it,” Toph says. “I don’t need your pity. You can be a part of Su’s life – you already are – but you don’t need to be anything other than my friend. I get it. It’s cool.”

“Toph.” Spirits, he’s miscommunicated so _much._ It’s shameful. She would have never _trapped_ him. If anything, Sokka knows she would have given him a chance at newfound _freedom. Together._ There’s so much misunderstood between them, and he just wants her to comprehend that. He just wants to show her.

“What?” she snaps. She just wants this conversation to _end._ What more does he want? She’s giving him the (second) easiest way out.

Before Sokka can respond, her assistant sticks her head into the office. “Councilman, they’re requesting your presence across the street.”

“Fuck.” Sokka rushes to stand. As Toph’s assistant leaves, Sokka comes to a decision: To do just what he’d wanted to do earlier, and show her. So, he leans across Toph’s desk and plants a quick kiss on her lips. It seems to leave both of them momentarily stunned, but he recovers fastest. “Toph, we’ll talk later. We can make this work. Just… just be patient, okay? More patient than you already have been. I’m sorry. Let me deal with whatever this is.” As he rushes out the door, he shouts, “I’ll be back!” And then he’s gone.

He leaves Toph there, touching her fingertips to her lips, jealous of how quickly he’s recovered. She’s still sitting there when Sokka comes back, an hour later, a bouquet in his hands that she can’t see (but can certainly smell), and the promise of a long talk on his lips.

* * *

“ _'Cause I wished you the best of_ _  
_ _All this world could give_ _  
_ _And I told you when you left me_ _  
_ _There's nothing to forgive_ _  
_ _But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was_ _  
_ _Heartbreak and misery_ _  
_ _It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way_ _  
_ _You're happy without me.”_ _  
_ **-labrinth,** **_jealous._ **


End file.
